New Years Revelation

New Years Revelation.

I've never trusted myself to make New Years resolutions.  I think it's because I could never think of something I wanted to accomplish.  This year is different.  I guess you could say I had a REVELATION.  I want to write more.  I love writing.  I want to be vulnerable and put my writing out there.  I love writing about how I feel.  I like how it FEELS to write about how I FEEL. 

2017 was a tough year for me.  I started reading other peoples stories and how they overcame their hardships and what led them to finding the help they needed.  This really helped steer me in the right direction.  Without the words of total strangers, I would've felt so alone.  I think sharing our experiences is therapeutic.  Not only for ourselves, but it could help a total stranger through a tough time. 

I had felt so disconnected from the world.  It's pretty amazing that the internet allows us to find ANYTHING we want.  I found my voice through other peoples courage to put themselves out there.  I admire their strength to be honest about the crap they've experienced. 

We aren't alone.  It can feel lonely being stuck inside of our heads.  That's all any of us will ever truly know, is what I think.  We will never truly know what someone else is thinking.  With sharing our experiences it helps us get a little glimpse into someone else's mind and into someone else's feelings.  I find that I can relate to a lot of people.  I like how that feels.  It feels not so lonely.

I want to share and be open.  I want to be vulnerable and show my art.  Art is so personal.  It's our heart being presented.  It's scary the thought of people rejecting my art, or even worse, making fun of it.  That's the truth about being open.  With being open you expose yourself to being made fun of or laughed at.  I think when you decide to share a part of yourself, it makes people stop and look at themselves.  You act as mirror.  They turn their attention towards themselves and they're scared.  They are scared of your vulnerability, because they may be wondering why they can't be vulnerable. 

I'm guilty of this.  I've made fun of people I thought were "weird".  I've talked shit about beautiful girls because I was jealous of the attention they were getting.  I've made fun of people I love for sharing their feelings with me.  I've used peoples weaknesses against them.  I'm realizing I did all of this because I was scared.  I was unsure of myself.  I felt like shit and I didn't feel beautiful.  I know I treated people badly because I felt bad.  I treated people how I felt on the inside.  

We all just want to be heard, to be appreciated and listened to.  We all want to share our art. 

I'm sick and tired of being scared of sharing.  So that is my New Years resolution AND revelation: to share, to be heard, to be made fun of and be laughed at. 

To be vulnerable.  To be beautiful and to be shitty.  

"...art, among all the other tidy categories, most closely resembles what it is like to be human.  To be alive.  It is our nature to be imperfect.  To have uncategorized feelings and emotions.  To make or do things that don't sometimes necessarily make sense.  Art is all just perfectly imperfect."- Brene Brown, "Daring Greatly".