Molly Spock

September 16, 2020

abusiverelationship, addiction, abuse, expression, explore, loveeachother

The Monotony of Monogamy with VibeWithMolly / VibeWithMommy

Molly Spock

September 16, 2020

abusiverelationship, addiction, abuse, expression, explore, loveeachother

The Monotony of Monogamy with VibeWithMolly / VibeWithMommy

My goal was to be perfect, to live perfect, to look perfect, and to act perfect. That dream quickly faded when nature and reality threw its ugly hand around my neck and ripped off my clothes and called it consensual. I saw the world finally. I wasn’t protected or safe. I was wild and thrown into uncertainty. I was given a chance to hurt freely, but it’s perfection that kept me drugged up, quiet, and numb. I wanted to live in a dream world where nobody got hurt, no one used me and I never used them. All I wanted was to be seen fully and loved fully, so I embarked on a journey to find that in all the wrong places. I looked up at the bottom of a bottle, I looked between my legs and down the rolled-up dollar bill. This all led to the one person that made me question it all. The person that made me do the unthinkable; sobriety, a child, and finding my truth; my self-worth is not dependent on the exclusivity of my relationships. I am more than capable of giving myself the love and support I need to feel safe and taken care of.

The Dirt, the Grime, the Heart Ache, the Not Knowing, the Horror, the Angst, the Fear, It's All so Beautiful.

Hello this is Officer.... that is all I hear.

My vision shrinks to the size of a pinhole. The sound that comes after sounds like a muffled horn. I can’t feel my body, time slows down; it’s almost as if time doesn’t exist. I'm standing on an empty highway, the air is thick with dew and fog, red and blue lights flashing in my peripheral. In front of me there are two mangled cars. I'm surrounded by police officers; I can't hear anything anyone’s saying. All I can feel is my heart thumping in my chest, filling my ears with such loud thuds it's almost nauseating. I feel condensation start to form on my palms from all the anxiety filling my chest.

Drugged, Raped and Blamed Is the Name of the Game With VibeWithMolly / VibeWithMommy

Drugged, Raped and Blamed Is the Name of the Game.

This was the night I lost my childlike view of the world. This is the night I lost faith in others. This is what sparked my hatred for men. This is the night I first tried "alcohol" and this is the night I lost my virginity. This is where my mess all began. So if my mess is my message, then this is where my purpose lives.

You know what's fucked up? I think about this. I think about this situation everytime I’m sober and alone. When there is nowhere left for me to hide; I am here. I am pressed up against the chain link fence, bra exposed, jeans pulled down around my ankles and consciousness fading in and out. This is where I live when I’m alone. My mind takes me back to that day. My body follows and my sense of self starts to disappear.

The AfterMETH

So I’m embarking on a journey of self realizing shit. I ordered Mastin Kipp’s “Claim Your Power: A 40-Day Journey to Dissolve the Hidden Blocks That Keep You Stuck and Finally Thrive in Your Life’s Unique Purpose”. It’s basically a 40 day self discovery class. I’m only on day 8 and a big part of what he talks about is how our past traumas are the things that get in our way of truly living our purpose. “Hell yeah”, I thought to myself. I definitely have some past shit that has defined who I am today. As I’m working through the pages of Mastin Kipp’s book I start to see. I start to see how much pain I’ve been living in. I start to see where it all began. It’s becoming so clear. It’s wild, why haven’t I sat down and dealt with any of this? Maybe because I always felt that it was too painful to revisit? Oh, I almost forgot, I’ve been drunk ever since.

Molly Spock

January 27, 2018

addiction, beautiful, drug addiction, life, alcoholism, realtalk, live, mom, sober, share, musicfestival, party, electricforest

Story Time: Mind Expanding Drugs With VibeWithMolly / VibeWithMommy

Molly Spock

January 27, 2018

addiction, beautiful, drug addiction, life, alcoholism, realtalk, live, mom, sober, share, musicfestival, party, electricforest

Story Time: Mind Expanding Drugs With VibeWithMolly / VibeWithMommy

It's frustrating reliving the past because I don't remember a lot of it. There are so many lost minutes, hours, weeks and months. Where was I? What was I doing? Who was that person?

It started off feeling so mind expanding.

Each time I took drugs like mushrooms, acid or ecstasy I felt such a deep connection to myself, to the people around me and to the earth as a whole. As I look back at my life these past 15 years, I realize that I was chasing how I felt those first few times I took drugs.

Molly Spock

January 14, 2018

beautiful, life, momlife, realtalk, sober, revelation, share, live

New Years Revelation

Molly Spock

January 14, 2018

beautiful, life, momlife, realtalk, sober, revelation, share, live

I've never trusted myself to make New Years resolutions. I think it's because I could never think of something I wanted to accomplish. This year is different. I guess you could say I had a REVELATION. I want to write more. I love writing. I want to be vulnerable and put my writing out there. I love writing about how I feel. I like how it FEELS to write about how I FEEL.

2017 was a tough year for me. I started reading other peoples stories and how they overcame their hardships and what led them to finding the help they needed. This really helped steer me in the right direction. Without the words of total strangers, I would've felt so alone. I think sharing our experiences is therapeutic. Not only for ourselves, but it could help a total stranger through a tough time.