life

What Do Women Actually Want? Porn vs. Reality

What Do Women Actually Want?  Porn vs. Reality

VibeWIthMolly/VibeWithMommy shares her opinion on what women actually want and gives helpful tips on how to approach a first date as well as tips for physical intimacy, consent and how to seal the deal! In my dating life I have made quite a few men uncomfortable with my forwardness. I’ve had a guy make up an excuse and left the date after only 30 minutes of conversation. I admittedly knew we weren’t a match so I got pretty vulgar fairly quickly. What did I say? Fine I’ll tell ya. I told him one of my kinks was to get objectified and fucked like a fuckdoll from time to time. I think it freaked him out a bit…

I Should've Known the Second I Woke up With Half My Head of Hair Missing

I Should've Known the Second I Woke up With Half My Head of Hair Missing

I should've known the second I woke up with half my head of hair missing.  

Tufts of locks blowing around the room like little tumbleweeds that you see in old western movies before the shootout scene commences.  I should’ve known this fuck up was warning me of the hard years ahead. “Run away”, the wind whispers, “Run away as fast as you can and never look back.”  The reality of what happened sinks in. I look in the mirror and I swear I look like Gollum from "Lord of the Rings”. As I looked in the mirror, at this stranger, I couldn’t remember a goddamn thing.  My mind starts racing.   “What the fuck happened?  Why did I do this to myself?”  I would later learn that, in a blackout rage, I had what some would call a mental breakdown.

I Should’ve Worn A Bra In The Philippines With VibeWithMolly / VibeWithMommy

I Should’ve Worn A Bra In The Philippines With VibeWithMolly / VibeWithMommy

My breath quickened. I couldn’t get any words to come out of my mouth. I kept glancing around the road hoping to see a familiar face, but nothing felt familiar anymore. The only thing that felt familiar was my fear. My fear that this man was going to attack me. I cursed my carefree attitude that drove me to get into this strangers car with no makeup, no bra, a full beer in my belly and pants he could easily rip in half if he wanted to.

The Dirt, the Grime, the Heart Ache, the Not Knowing, the Horror, the Angst, the Fear, It's All so Beautiful.

The Dirt, the Grime, the Heart Ache, the Not Knowing, the Horror, the Angst, the Fear, It's All so Beautiful.

Hello this is Officer.... that is all I hear.  

My vision shrinks to the size of a pinhole.  The sound that comes after sounds like a muffled horn.  I can’t feel my body, time slows down; it’s almost as if time doesn’t exist.  I'm standing on an empty highway, the air is thick with dew and fog, red and blue lights flashing in my peripheral.  In front of me there are two mangled cars. I'm surrounded by police officers; I can't hear anything anyone’s saying.   All I can feel is my heart thumping in my chest, filling my ears with such loud thuds it's almost nauseating. I feel condensation start to form on my palms from all the anxiety filling my chest.  

Drugged, Raped and Blamed Is the Name of the Game With VibeWithMolly / VibeWithMommy

Drugged, Raped and Blamed Is the Name of the Game With VibeWithMolly / VibeWithMommy

Drugged, Raped and Blamed Is the Name of the Game.

This was the night I lost my childlike view of the world.  This is the night I lost faith in others.  This is what sparked my hatred for men.  This is the night I first tried "alcohol" and this is the night I lost my virginity.  This is where my mess all began.  So if my mess is my message, then this is where my purpose lives.           

You know what's fucked up?  I think about this.  I think about this situation everytime I’m sober and alone.  When there is nowhere left for me to hide; I am here.  I am pressed up against the chain link fence, bra exposed, jeans pulled down around my ankles and consciousness fading in and out.  This is where I live when I’m alone.  My mind takes me back to that day.  My body follows and my sense of self starts to disappear.  

The AfterMETH

The AfterMETH

So I’m embarking on a journey of self realizing shit.  I ordered Mastin Kipp’s “Claim Your Power: A 40-Day Journey to Dissolve the Hidden Blocks That Keep You Stuck and Finally Thrive in Your Life’s Unique Purpose”.  It’s basically a 40 day self discovery class.  I’m only on day 8 and a big part of what he talks about is how our past traumas are the things that get in our way of truly living our purpose.  “Hell yeah”, I thought to myself.  I definitely have some past shit that has defined who I am today.  As I’m working through the pages of Mastin Kipp’s book I start to see.  I start to see how much pain I’ve been living in.  I start to see where it all began.  It’s becoming so clear.  It’s wild, why haven’t I sat down and dealt with any of this?  Maybe because I always felt that it was too painful to revisit?  Oh, I almost forgot, I’ve been drunk ever since.

Story Time: To Ride or Die in Pai.

Story Time: To Ride or Die in Pai.

A lot of you know that I traveled to Southeast Asia a couple years ago.  I'd like to start by saying Southeast Asia is one of the most magical and whimsical places that I have ever been.  I had always dreamt of places like it; I never knew such beauty existed.

With that said, it is another place that is heaven for a girl like me.  The party NEVER stops.

Especially in Thailand.

Story Time: Mind Expanding Drugs With VibeWithMolly / VibeWithMommy

Story Time: Mind Expanding Drugs With VibeWithMolly / VibeWithMommy

It's frustrating reliving the past because I don't remember a lot of it.  There are so many lost minutes, hours, weeks and months.  Where was I?  What was I doing? Who was that person?

It started off feeling so mind expanding.  

Each time I took drugs like mushrooms, acid or ecstasy I felt such a deep connection to myself, to the people around me and to the earth as a whole.  As I look back at my life these past 15 years, I realize that I was chasing how I felt those first few times I took drugs.