Being an OnlyFans creator also comes with its challenges. There are societal stigmas and judgments associated with this line of work, and I have faced criticism and negativity from some quarters. However, I have learned to overcome these challenges by staying true to myself, being proud of my work, and educating others about the platform and its diversity.
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I haven’t always been an open book, spreading her legs and joy for the world to see, I was more of a closested freak. All my friends knew I was incredibly promiscuous and loved sex, but that stayed in my immediate group. Nowadays, I wear my heart on my sleeve, my sex life is plastered all over the internet and I’ve accepted that I’ve opened myself up to being judged for what I do.
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VibeWIthMolly/VibeWithMommy shares her opinion on what women actually want and gives helpful tips on how to approach a first date as well as tips for physical intimacy, consent and how to seal the deal! In my dating life I have made quite a few men uncomfortable with my forwardness. I’ve had a guy make up an excuse and left the date after only 30 minutes of conversation. I admittedly knew we weren’t a match so I got pretty vulgar fairly quickly. What did I say? Fine I’ll tell ya. I told him one of my kinks was to get objectified and fucked like a fuckdoll from time to time. I think it freaked him out a bit…
One misstep, my boot slides out from underneath me and my face makes contact with the rock. I’m now draped over the beautiful rock face cliff like a little goldendoodle who just played for hours at the dog park. My floppy curly ears frazzled, ego floating in the cold river below and my fear a blazin’.
Well, the first time I was naked in public was when I was a child. I don’t remember much from that time, but what I do know is a story my mother told me. She said she could never keep clothes on me.
I’m feeling the way I always do when I’m out and about doing drugs and drinking alcohol. I’m swaying back and forth. I’m feeling awkward because that last line of cocaine I did is starting to wear off and there’s no more alcohol in the house. “I need something,” I think to myself. Where the fuck is that guy with more coke? He said he’d be back soon with more drugs. My heart is beating with the music, fast and upbeat. I look around the party and there’s all sorts of colorful people. There’s a girl with red hair, a black guy with no lenses in his glasses, and a tall skinny awkward guy trying to dance. I’m trying to enjoy myself, like I always do, but something doesn’t feel right. I feel this gnawing in my stomach. I need more drugs. That’s it, I just need more drugs. Where the fuck is that guy with the drugs?
My vision shrinks to the size of a pinhole. The sound that comes after sounds like a muffled horn. I can’t feel my body, time slows down; it’s almost as if time doesn’t exist. I'm standing on an empty highway, the air is thick with dew and fog, red and blue lights flashing in my peripheral. In front of me there are two mangled cars. I'm surrounded by police officers; I can't hear anything anyone’s saying. All I can feel is my heart thumping in my chest, filling my ears with such loud thuds it's almost nauseating. I feel condensation start to form on my palms from all the anxiety filling my chest.
My friend once told me, that what she liked about me was that I was so, "Unapologetically Molly".
At first this made me feel good about myself. Then I thought about all the times I had hung out with her. I was usually shit faced drunk, doing cocaine and hitting on every guy I thought was hot. "This was me covered in my blanket of confidence", I thought to myself. This was me in my I don't give a fuck, black out drunk and carefree state of mind. Then I thought about it a little longer and realized she was talking about the Molly that would drink everyday. So then I found myself missing Yllom (my drunk alternate self) because SHE is who everybody misses and loves. Then I started to think about it and ask myself, "What does she mean by unapologetically Molly?"
I want to re-create/re-live my day to day morning routine when I was at my lowest point. Now that I'm sober, I can vividly remember this routine. I feel like I'm watching a movie about someone else's life. This can't be me. I wasn't THAT bad. But I'm realizing when you're in the thick of your numbing you can't see clearly. No one could've convinced me that I had a drug and alcohol problem. In my mind I'd say, "I don't drink EVERY day. I take a couple days off here and there. GEZ everyone needs to CHILL and let me do my thing."I try not to judge myself too much. But when I look back at the things I've done, I can't help but feel ashamed. I guess this is part of the healing process. Re-visiting your mistakes and the people you've wronged. It's painful, it's hard, but finally it's something REAL!
What does it mean to embrace a beautiful, shitty life?
I figured out that life is made up of beautiful and equally shitty moments. It's crazy, one moment I could literally feel SO good. I mean NOTHING can get me down. I'm walking taller, I feel solid in my foot steps and not a care in the world. Then, like a switch, I find myself feeling scared. I start to ask myself questions like, "Why are you so happy? What makes you so special? You live with your mom and you're a single mother." Then as quickly as it came, my smile is gone. This beautiful moment has now been replaced with the most shitty feeling.
I've never trusted myself to make New Years resolutions. I think it's because I could never think of something I wanted to accomplish. This year is different. I guess you could say I had a REVELATION. I want to write more. I love writing. I want to be vulnerable and put my writing out there. I love writing about how I feel. I like how it FEELS to write about how I FEEL.
2017 was a tough year for me. I started reading other peoples stories and how they overcame their hardships and what led them to finding the help they needed. This really helped steer me in the right direction. Without the words of total strangers, I would've felt so alone. I think sharing our experiences is therapeutic. Not only for ourselves, but it could help a total stranger through a tough time.
