Molly Spock

October 22, 2019

addiction, believe in yourself, change, drug addiction, pregnancy

Where the Fuck Is That Guy with the Drugs?

Molly Spock

October 22, 2019

addiction, believe in yourself, change, drug addiction, pregnancy

Where the Fuck Is That Guy with the Drugs?

I’m feeling the way I always do when I’m out and about doing drugs and drinking alcohol. I’m swaying back and forth. I’m feeling awkward because that last line of cocaine I did is starting to wear off and there’s no more alcohol in the house. “I need something,” I think to myself. Where the fuck is that guy with more coke? He said he’d be back soon with more drugs. My heart is beating with the music, fast and upbeat. I look around the party and there’s all sorts of colorful people. There’s a girl with red hair, a black guy with no lenses in his glasses, and a tall skinny awkward guy trying to dance. I’m trying to enjoy myself, like I always do, but something doesn’t feel right. I feel this gnawing in my stomach. I need more drugs. That’s it, I just need more drugs. Where the fuck is that guy with the drugs?

Molly Spock

October 9, 2019

sober, story, porn, loveyourself

I Cant Wait to Watch You Get Fucked! With VibeWithMolly / VibeWithMommy

Molly Spock

October 9, 2019

sober, story, porn, loveyourself

I Cant Wait to Watch You Get Fucked! With VibeWithMolly / VibeWithMommy

WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS ADULT LANGUAGE AND ADULT CONTENT. VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.

Molly Spock

September 24, 2019

believe in yourself, drug addiction, change, beseen, bestrong, drugs, listen, loveeachother, lovemyself, meowningmyself, trauma, trauma survivor, traumasurvivor, you are not alone

This is my beautiful life. I hate it sometimes, but it’s mine and I’m going to keep it.

Molly Spock

September 24, 2019

believe in yourself, drug addiction, change, beseen, bestrong, drugs, listen, loveeachother, lovemyself, meowningmyself, trauma, trauma survivor, traumasurvivor, you are not alone

This is my beautiful life.  I hate it sometimes, but it’s mine and I’m going to keep it.

I wanted to go back. I wanted to touch the grass where everything started to go to shit. That night when the air was so thick with fog, I could feel the dampness of the air in my lungs. That night I left myself there on the sun bleached grass that pricked my skin like little needles. The night I got lost forever.

Drugged, Raped and Blamed Is the Name of the Game With VibeWithMolly / VibeWithMommy

Drugged, Raped and Blamed Is the Name of the Game.

This was the night I lost my childlike view of the world. This is the night I lost faith in others. This is what sparked my hatred for men. This is the night I first tried "alcohol" and this is the night I lost my virginity. This is where my mess all began. So if my mess is my message, then this is where my purpose lives.

You know what's fucked up? I think about this. I think about this situation everytime I’m sober and alone. When there is nowhere left for me to hide; I am here. I am pressed up against the chain link fence, bra exposed, jeans pulled down around my ankles and consciousness fading in and out. This is where I live when I’m alone. My mind takes me back to that day. My body follows and my sense of self starts to disappear.

The AfterMETH

So I’m embarking on a journey of self realizing shit. I ordered Mastin Kipp’s “Claim Your Power: A 40-Day Journey to Dissolve the Hidden Blocks That Keep You Stuck and Finally Thrive in Your Life’s Unique Purpose”. It’s basically a 40 day self discovery class. I’m only on day 8 and a big part of what he talks about is how our past traumas are the things that get in our way of truly living our purpose. “Hell yeah”, I thought to myself. I definitely have some past shit that has defined who I am today. As I’m working through the pages of Mastin Kipp’s book I start to see. I start to see how much pain I’ve been living in. I start to see where it all began. It’s becoming so clear. It’s wild, why haven’t I sat down and dealt with any of this? Maybe because I always felt that it was too painful to revisit? Oh, I almost forgot, I’ve been drunk ever since.

Molly Spock

January 25, 2018

addiction, alcoholism, beautiful, drug addiction, drugs, life, live, love, mind, mom, momlife, owningyourself, realtalk, revelation, selftalk, share, sober, ownyourstory, ownit, woman, men

Unapologetically Molly With VibeWithMolly / VibeWithMommy

Molly Spock

January 25, 2018

addiction, alcoholism, beautiful, drug addiction, drugs, life, live, love, mind, mom, momlife, owningyourself, realtalk, revelation, selftalk, share, sober, ownyourstory, ownit, woman, men

Unapologetically Molly With VibeWithMolly / VibeWithMommy

My friend once told me, that what she liked about me was that I was so, "Unapologetically Molly".

At first this made me feel good about myself. Then I thought about all the times I had hung out with her. I was usually shit faced drunk, doing cocaine and hitting on every guy I thought was hot. "This was me covered in my blanket of confidence", I thought to myself. This was me in my I don't give a fuck, black out drunk and carefree state of mind. Then I thought about it a little longer and realized she was talking about the Molly that would drink everyday. So then I found myself missing Yllom (my drunk alternate self) because SHE is who everybody misses and loves. Then I started to think about it and ask myself, "What does she mean by unapologetically Molly?"

Molly Spock

January 20, 2018

momlife, realtalk, addiction, alcoholism, drug addiction, share, selftalk, revelation, sober, mind, mindexpanding, mom, live

Story Time: My Daily Numbing With VibeWithMolly / VibeWithMommy

Molly Spock

January 20, 2018

momlife, realtalk, addiction, alcoholism, drug addiction, share, selftalk, revelation, sober, mind, mindexpanding, mom, live

Story Time: My Daily Numbing With VibeWithMolly / VibeWithMommy

I want to re-create/re-live my day to day morning routine when I was at my lowest point. Now that I'm sober, I can vividly remember this routine. I feel like I'm watching a movie about someone else's life. This can't be me. I wasn't THAT bad. But I'm realizing when you're in the thick of your numbing you can't see clearly. No one could've convinced me that I had a drug and alcohol problem. In my mind I'd say, "I don't drink EVERY day. I take a couple days off here and there. GEZ everyone needs to CHILL and let me do my thing." I try not to judge myself too much. But when I look back at the things I've done, I can't help but feel ashamed. I guess this is part of the healing process. Re-visiting your mistakes and the people you've wronged. It's painful, it's hard, but finally it's something REAL!