loveher

The Dirt, the Grime, the Heart Ache, the Not Knowing, the Horror, the Angst, the Fear, It's All so Beautiful.

The Dirt, the Grime, the Heart Ache, the Not Knowing, the Horror, the Angst, the Fear, It's All so Beautiful.

Hello this is Officer.... that is all I hear.  

My vision shrinks to the size of a pinhole.  The sound that comes after sounds like a muffled horn.  I can’t feel my body, time slows down; it’s almost as if time doesn’t exist.  I'm standing on an empty highway, the air is thick with dew and fog, red and blue lights flashing in my peripheral.  In front of me there are two mangled cars. I'm surrounded by police officers; I can't hear anything anyone’s saying.   All I can feel is my heart thumping in my chest, filling my ears with such loud thuds it's almost nauseating. I feel condensation start to form on my palms from all the anxiety filling my chest.  

Drugged, Raped and Blamed Is the Name of the Game With VibeWithMolly / VibeWithMommy

Drugged, Raped and Blamed Is the Name of the Game With VibeWithMolly / VibeWithMommy

Drugged, Raped and Blamed Is the Name of the Game.

This was the night I lost my childlike view of the world.  This is the night I lost faith in others.  This is what sparked my hatred for men.  This is the night I first tried "alcohol" and this is the night I lost my virginity.  This is where my mess all began.  So if my mess is my message, then this is where my purpose lives.           

You know what's fucked up?  I think about this.  I think about this situation everytime I’m sober and alone.  When there is nowhere left for me to hide; I am here.  I am pressed up against the chain link fence, bra exposed, jeans pulled down around my ankles and consciousness fading in and out.  This is where I live when I’m alone.  My mind takes me back to that day.  My body follows and my sense of self starts to disappear.