selftalk

Drugged, Raped and Blamed Is the Name of the Game With VibeWithMolly / VibeWithMommy

Drugged, Raped and Blamed Is the Name of the Game With VibeWithMolly / VibeWithMommy

Drugged, Raped and Blamed Is the Name of the Game.

This was the night I lost my childlike view of the world.  This is the night I lost faith in others.  This is what sparked my hatred for men.  This is the night I first tried "alcohol" and this is the night I lost my virginity.  This is where my mess all began.  So if my mess is my message, then this is where my purpose lives.           

You know what's fucked up?  I think about this.  I think about this situation everytime I’m sober and alone.  When there is nowhere left for me to hide; I am here.  I am pressed up against the chain link fence, bra exposed, jeans pulled down around my ankles and consciousness fading in and out.  This is where I live when I’m alone.  My mind takes me back to that day.  My body follows and my sense of self starts to disappear.  

Stop, Put Down Your Phone and Be Afraid.

Stop, Put Down Your Phone and Be Afraid.

Stop, put down your phone and be afraid.

Something happened to me the other day.  Something clicked.  I felt release.  I released something that has been holding me down.  I realize me stressing about it and worrying about it was giving it power.  I was letting it win; win my life.  I want to take my life back.  I'm in control of my life.  I'm in control of my thoughts.  I'm in control of how I react in certain situations and I get to decide what makes me happy.  

Purposeful

Purposeful

Do you ever just look back at a time in your life and think, "Wow, I can't believe I let that happen to me" or "I can't believe I did that."  It almost feels like a dream, like it happened to someone else.  It's crazy what happens when you WAKE UP.  When you find a purpose; a reason, a reason to feel purposeful, a purposeful reason.  

I look back at her (me) and think, "Wow, you poor lost little soul."  Then I realize, "WOW!  I grew."  That's what I'm saying to myself.  That's the change I'm feeling; I grew into something.  

Story Time: Mind Expanding Drugs With VibeWithMolly / VibeWithMommy

Story Time: Mind Expanding Drugs With VibeWithMolly / VibeWithMommy

It's frustrating reliving the past because I don't remember a lot of it.  There are so many lost minutes, hours, weeks and months.  Where was I?  What was I doing? Who was that person?

It started off feeling so mind expanding.  

Each time I took drugs like mushrooms, acid or ecstasy I felt such a deep connection to myself, to the people around me and to the earth as a whole.  As I look back at my life these past 15 years, I realize that I was chasing how I felt those first few times I took drugs.