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The Monotony of Monogamy with VibeWithMolly / VibeWithMommy

The Monotony of Monogamy with VibeWithMolly / VibeWithMommy

My goal was to be perfect, to live perfect, to look perfect, and to act perfect. That dream quickly faded when nature and reality threw its ugly hand around my neck and ripped off my clothes and called it consensual. I saw the world finally. I wasn’t protected or safe. I was wild and thrown into uncertainty. I was given a chance to hurt freely, but it’s perfection that kept me drugged up, quiet, and numb. I wanted to live in a dream world where nobody got hurt, no one used me and I never used them. All I wanted was to be seen fully and loved fully, so I embarked on a journey to find that in all the wrong places. I looked up at the bottom of a bottle, I looked between my legs and down the rolled-up dollar bill. This all led to the one person that made me question it all. The person that made me do the unthinkable; sobriety, a child, and finding my truth; my self-worth is not dependent on the exclusivity of my relationships. I am more than capable of giving myself the love and support I need to feel safe and taken care of.

I Should've Known the Second I Woke up With Half My Head of Hair Missing

I Should've Known the Second I Woke up With Half My Head of Hair Missing

I should've known the second I woke up with half my head of hair missing.  

Tufts of locks blowing around the room like little tumbleweeds that you see in old western movies before the shootout scene commences.  I should’ve known this fuck up was warning me of the hard years ahead. “Run away”, the wind whispers, “Run away as fast as you can and never look back.”  The reality of what happened sinks in. I look in the mirror and I swear I look like Gollum from "Lord of the Rings”. As I looked in the mirror, at this stranger, I couldn’t remember a goddamn thing.  My mind starts racing.   “What the fuck happened?  Why did I do this to myself?”  I would later learn that, in a blackout rage, I had what some would call a mental breakdown.

Feeling No Longer Dirty at 30 With VibeWithMolly / VibeWithMommy

Feeling No Longer Dirty at 30 With VibeWithMolly / VibeWithMommy

I want to start off by saying that I can't stop crying.  I did it.  I'm 30 years old.  I've had a baby, I've finally figured out why I've been using drugs and treating myself and others the way I have for the past 15 years, and I faced the moment in my life that changed everything.  I had been refusing to think about, talk about or relive it since it happened.