mama

The Dirt, the Grime, the Heart Ache, the Not Knowing, the Horror, the Angst, the Fear, It's All so Beautiful.

The Dirt, the Grime, the Heart Ache, the Not Knowing, the Horror, the Angst, the Fear, It's All so Beautiful.

Hello this is Officer.... that is all I hear.  

My vision shrinks to the size of a pinhole.  The sound that comes after sounds like a muffled horn.  I can’t feel my body, time slows down; it’s almost as if time doesn’t exist.  I'm standing on an empty highway, the air is thick with dew and fog, red and blue lights flashing in my peripheral.  In front of me there are two mangled cars. I'm surrounded by police officers; I can't hear anything anyone’s saying.   All I can feel is my heart thumping in my chest, filling my ears with such loud thuds it's almost nauseating. I feel condensation start to form on my palms from all the anxiety filling my chest.  

Feeling No Longer Dirty at 30 With VibeWithMolly / VibeWithMommy

Feeling No Longer Dirty at 30 With VibeWithMolly / VibeWithMommy

I want to start off by saying that I can't stop crying.  I did it.  I'm 30 years old.  I've had a baby, I've finally figured out why I've been using drugs and treating myself and others the way I have for the past 15 years, and I faced the moment in my life that changed everything.  I had been refusing to think about, talk about or relive it since it happened.