Molly Spock

February 4, 2020

addiction, alcoholism, beautiful, beheard, believe in yourself, bestrong, change, drug addiction, explore, life, listen, love, live, trauma survivor, traumasurvivor, trauma, you are not alone

I Should've Known the Second I Woke up With Half My Head of Hair Missing

Molly Spock

February 4, 2020

addiction, alcoholism, beautiful, beheard, believe in yourself, bestrong, change, drug addiction, explore, life, listen, love, live, trauma survivor, traumasurvivor, trauma, you are not alone

I should've known the second I woke up with half my head of hair missing.

Tufts of locks blowing around the room like little tumbleweeds that you see in old western movies before the shootout scene commences. I should’ve known this fuck up was warning me of the hard years ahead. “Run away”, the wind whispers, “Run away as fast as you can and never look back.” The reality of what happened sinks in. I look in the mirror and I swear I look like Gollum from "Lord of the Rings”. As I looked in the mirror, at this stranger, I couldn’t remember a goddamn thing. My mind starts racing. “What the fuck happened? Why did I do this to myself?” I would later learn that, in a blackout rage, I had what some would call a mental breakdown.

Molly Spock

November 12, 2019

alcoholism, life, loveyourself, owningyourself, party

There’s No Way I’d Ever Strip

Molly Spock

November 12, 2019

alcoholism, life, loveyourself, owningyourself, party

I stripped once. Wait, don’t look at me like that… Story time.

Drugged, Raped and Blamed Is the Name of the Game With VibeWithMolly / VibeWithMommy

Drugged, Raped and Blamed Is the Name of the Game.

This was the night I lost my childlike view of the world. This is the night I lost faith in others. This is what sparked my hatred for men. This is the night I first tried "alcohol" and this is the night I lost my virginity. This is where my mess all began. So if my mess is my message, then this is where my purpose lives.

You know what's fucked up? I think about this. I think about this situation everytime I’m sober and alone. When there is nowhere left for me to hide; I am here. I am pressed up against the chain link fence, bra exposed, jeans pulled down around my ankles and consciousness fading in and out. This is where I live when I’m alone. My mind takes me back to that day. My body follows and my sense of self starts to disappear.

The AfterMETH

So I’m embarking on a journey of self realizing shit. I ordered Mastin Kipp’s “Claim Your Power: A 40-Day Journey to Dissolve the Hidden Blocks That Keep You Stuck and Finally Thrive in Your Life’s Unique Purpose”. It’s basically a 40 day self discovery class. I’m only on day 8 and a big part of what he talks about is how our past traumas are the things that get in our way of truly living our purpose. “Hell yeah”, I thought to myself. I definitely have some past shit that has defined who I am today. As I’m working through the pages of Mastin Kipp’s book I start to see. I start to see how much pain I’ve been living in. I start to see where it all began. It’s becoming so clear. It’s wild, why haven’t I sat down and dealt with any of this? Maybe because I always felt that it was too painful to revisit? Oh, I almost forgot, I’ve been drunk ever since.

Story Time: To Ride or Die in Pai.

A lot of you know that I traveled to Southeast Asia a couple years ago. I'd like to start by saying Southeast Asia is one of the most magical and whimsical places that I have ever been. I had always dreamt of places like it; I never knew such beauty existed.

With that said, it is another place that is heaven for a girl like me. The party NEVER stops.

Especially in Thailand.

Molly Spock

January 27, 2018

addiction, beautiful, drug addiction, life, alcoholism, realtalk, live, mom, sober, share, musicfestival, party, electricforest

Story Time: Mind Expanding Drugs With VibeWithMolly / VibeWithMommy

Molly Spock

January 27, 2018

addiction, beautiful, drug addiction, life, alcoholism, realtalk, live, mom, sober, share, musicfestival, party, electricforest

Story Time: Mind Expanding Drugs With VibeWithMolly / VibeWithMommy

It's frustrating reliving the past because I don't remember a lot of it. There are so many lost minutes, hours, weeks and months. Where was I? What was I doing? Who was that person?

It started off feeling so mind expanding.

Each time I took drugs like mushrooms, acid or ecstasy I felt such a deep connection to myself, to the people around me and to the earth as a whole. As I look back at my life these past 15 years, I realize that I was chasing how I felt those first few times I took drugs.

Molly Spock

January 25, 2018

addiction, alcoholism, beautiful, drug addiction, drugs, life, live, love, mind, mom, momlife, owningyourself, realtalk, revelation, selftalk, share, sober, ownyourstory, ownit, woman, men

Unapologetically Molly With VibeWithMolly / VibeWithMommy

Molly Spock

January 25, 2018

addiction, alcoholism, beautiful, drug addiction, drugs, life, live, love, mind, mom, momlife, owningyourself, realtalk, revelation, selftalk, share, sober, ownyourstory, ownit, woman, men

Unapologetically Molly With VibeWithMolly / VibeWithMommy

My friend once told me, that what she liked about me was that I was so, "Unapologetically Molly".

At first this made me feel good about myself. Then I thought about all the times I had hung out with her. I was usually shit faced drunk, doing cocaine and hitting on every guy I thought was hot. "This was me covered in my blanket of confidence", I thought to myself. This was me in my I don't give a fuck, black out drunk and carefree state of mind. Then I thought about it a little longer and realized she was talking about the Molly that would drink everyday. So then I found myself missing Yllom (my drunk alternate self) because SHE is who everybody misses and loves. Then I started to think about it and ask myself, "What does she mean by unapologetically Molly?"

Molly Spock

January 20, 2018

momlife, realtalk, addiction, alcoholism, drug addiction, share, selftalk, revelation, sober, mind, mindexpanding, mom, live

Story Time: My Daily Numbing With VibeWithMolly / VibeWithMommy

Molly Spock

January 20, 2018

momlife, realtalk, addiction, alcoholism, drug addiction, share, selftalk, revelation, sober, mind, mindexpanding, mom, live

Story Time: My Daily Numbing With VibeWithMolly / VibeWithMommy

I want to re-create/re-live my day to day morning routine when I was at my lowest point. Now that I'm sober, I can vividly remember this routine. I feel like I'm watching a movie about someone else's life. This can't be me. I wasn't THAT bad. But I'm realizing when you're in the thick of your numbing you can't see clearly. No one could've convinced me that I had a drug and alcohol problem. In my mind I'd say, "I don't drink EVERY day. I take a couple days off here and there. GEZ everyone needs to CHILL and let me do my thing." I try not to judge myself too much. But when I look back at the things I've done, I can't help but feel ashamed. I guess this is part of the healing process. Re-visiting your mistakes and the people you've wronged. It's painful, it's hard, but finally it's something REAL!