Drugged, Raped and Blamed Is the Name of the Game With VibeWithMolly / VibeWithMommy
Drugged, Raped and Blamed Is the Name of the Game.
This was the night I lost my childlike view of the world. This is the night I lost faith in others. This is what sparked my hatred for men. This is the night I first tried "alcohol" and this is the night I lost my virginity. This is where my mess all began. So if my mess is my message, then this is where my purpose lives.
You know what's fucked up? I think about this. I think about this situation everytime I’m sober and alone. When there is nowhere left for me to hide; I am here. I am pressed up against the chain link fence, bra exposed, jeans pulled down around my ankles and consciousness fading in and out. This is where I live when I’m alone. My mind takes me back to that day. My body follows and my sense of self starts to disappear.
The AfterMETH
So I’m embarking on a journey of self realizing shit. I ordered Mastin Kipp’s “Claim Your Power: A 40-Day Journey to Dissolve the Hidden Blocks That Keep You Stuck and Finally Thrive in Your Life’s Unique Purpose”. It’s basically a 40 day self discovery class. I’m only on day 8 and a big part of what he talks about is how our past traumas are the things that get in our way of truly living our purpose. “Hell yeah”, I thought to myself. I definitely have some past shit that has defined who I am today. As I’m working through the pages of Mastin Kipp’s book I start to see. I start to see how much pain I’ve been living in. I start to see where it all began. It’s becoming so clear. It’s wild, why haven’t I sat down and dealt with any of this? Maybe because I always felt that it was too painful to revisit? Oh, I almost forgot, I’ve been drunk ever since.
Stop, Put Down Your Phone and Be Afraid.
Stop, put down your phone and be afraid.
Something happened to me the other day. Something clicked. I felt release. I released something that has been holding me down. I realize me stressing about it and worrying about it was giving it power. I was letting it win; win my life. I want to take my life back. I'm in control of my life. I'm in control of my thoughts. I'm in control of how I react in certain situations and I get to decide what makes me happy.
Purposeful
Do you ever just look back at a time in your life and think, "Wow, I can't believe I let that happen to me" or "I can't believe I did that." It almost feels like a dream, like it happened to someone else. It's crazy what happens when you WAKE UP. When you find a purpose; a reason, a reason to feel purposeful, a purposeful reason.
I look back at her (me) and think, "Wow, you poor lost little soul." Then I realize, "WOW! I grew." That's what I'm saying to myself. That's the change I'm feeling; I grew into something.
Fuck the Invisible Divide Between Us.
Where does this invisible competition come from?
This competition I feel everyday.
The thing that got me thinking was this invisible rule that woman are competing. We are competing to be the skinniest, prettiest, smartest, most confident; best mom, best chef, and do it all with a smile.
What really got me thinking was how jealous I'd get when a girl was getting more attention than me from guys. I'd almost ALWAYS start trying to find things wrong with her. I'd say things to myself like, "Look how drunk she is, or she's wearing too much make up, or she looks like a slut and that's why guys want her." It's crazy, I would think these things about other girls while not realizing that I was in fact DRUNK, wearing too much make up and dressed like a slut. Like HELLO MOLLY look in the fucking mirror.
Story Time: To Ride or Die in Pai.
A lot of you know that I traveled to Southeast Asia a couple years ago. I'd like to start by saying Southeast Asia is one of the most magical and whimsical places that I have ever been. I had always dreamt of places like it; I never knew such beauty existed.
With that said, it is another place that is heaven for a girl like me. The party NEVER stops.
Especially in Thailand.
Unapologetically Molly With VibeWithMolly / VibeWithMommy
My friend once told me, that what she liked about me was that I was so, "Unapologetically Molly".
At first this made me feel good about myself. Then I thought about all the times I had hung out with her. I was usually shit faced drunk, doing cocaine and hitting on every guy I thought was hot. "This was me covered in my blanket of confidence", I thought to myself. This was me in my I don't give a fuck, black out drunk and carefree state of mind. Then I thought about it a little longer and realized she was talking about the Molly that would drink everyday. So then I found myself missing Yllom (my drunk alternate self) because SHE is who everybody misses and loves. Then I started to think about it and ask myself, "What does she mean by unapologetically Molly?"